Eustace Scrubb - Sarah Sparks

I don't know how familiar you are with the Chronicles of Narnia by CS Lewis, but since this weekend when Pastor Sky preached on books and stories I've spent a lot of time thinking about the lessons I learned from these books (just to be clear, the sermon spoke of learning to read well so that we can learn to read the Bible well... to listen online click here). Eustace is one of the main characters found in several of the books, but this song is specifically about his experience in the book Voyage of the Dawn Treader. 

    For the first in my life

    I’m not living a lie

    And I hate who I am

    I’ve become what I feared

    And I cried dragon tears

    Just to prove I’m a man

When have you found yourself crying tears, realizing you have become exactly the one you feared you'd become? Have you, like me, found yourself hating who you are? Do you feel like your life is a lie? Have you at any point? Do you remember what got you out of that spot?

    I tried to change my appearance but I am not changed

    I’m just tired

    I tried to heal myself long before I met your gaze

    At the water

    I’m at your feet

    Would you tear into the deep of my heart

    To heal me?

I remember trying to be "good enough". To be "perfect" to make things better. The scratch marks and claw marks I left behind as I struggled to get out of depression, out of the skin I was in that I didn't feel fit, but didn't know how to change. The crumpled mess of me that found myself at the feet of Jesus crying out to heal me.

    As he looked through my eyes

    At the things I despised

    I felt pierced by his gaze

    But he pealed off my skin

    And he then threw me into

    The water to save me

The feeling of being seen. It's simultaneously a beautiful and terrifying thing. Seen for who you really are. Known. The comfort of someone who cares enough to stay with you until they know you. The horror of someone knowing the depths that you have sunk to. The piercing gaze of the one who knows you inside and out. Then the tearing, deeper than you've ever been able to tear on your own to peal off the old skin, that leaves you raw, shivering...and then as He throws you into the waters to save you.

I clearly remember the feeling of bubbling up to the surface after having been through that most horrible of pain. And I remember thinking that it was some of the sweetest pain of my life, that with it came the relief of years and years of burdens. Friend, I don't know what that moment will look like for you. I don't know what will bring the transformation about for you. I simply know that He can take a wretched lonely soul that cries out in the dark, cut deep inside of you and find the you who is really you. The heart that knows Him, the servant deep inside, cut away from the chains. Call out to Him. Reach out. He holds the key to unlock the prison doors.

    I was a lonely, wretched soul that

    Lost in the dark cried out your Name

    You cut me deep, I know I felt it

    But it’s the sweetest kind of pain

    Oh sweet relief, You took my burdens

For the first in my life

I’m not living a lie

And I hate who I am

I’ve become what I feared

And I cried dragon tears

Just to prove I’m a man

I tried to change my appearance but I am not changed

I’m just tired

I tried to heal myself long before I met your gaze

At the water

I’m at your feet

Would you tear into the deep of my heart

To heal me?

I’ve seen my own reflection

I know the pain I’m in

I’ve been a lonely wretch and

I can’t get out of it

As he looked through my eyes

At the things I despised

I felt pierced by his gaze

But he pealed off my skin

And he then threw me into

The water to save me

I wore this bracelet, bright and golden

That overnight became a chain

I was a lonely, wretched soul that

Lost in the dark cried out your Name

You cut me deep, I know I felt it

But it’s the sweetest kind of pain

Oh sweet relief, You took my burdens

Oh I believe Oh I believe

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