Pentecost is a holiday that we as a collective church I think struggle with. We're good with Christmas and God the father sending to earth the baby Jesus. We're good with Easter and Jesus the son returning to the Father, tearing the veil and opening the way for a connection and communication with the father. But how do we really feel about pentecost? A holiday celebrating Holy Spirit, sent to us providing real life power in our every day lives. Because Holy Spirit is weird. And uncomfortable. And does things that don't always make sense. And upsets the apple cart a little.
For all the dues that we collect
Our hearts can be overdrawn
A friend sent me this line this week. I was talking about feeling over exhausted. Just plain spent. I know I am not alone in feeling this way, I'm not sure I've talked to anyone not feeling that way right now, but I guess I probably don't get out of the education circle much. Maybe others aren't feeling overdrawn. I used to joke ain't no tired like end of May teacher tired. But this May has brought a whole new meaning to that. For all the love and support that we get, our hearts are still overdrawn.
Dead in the water
Like lamb to the slaughter
If the wind doesn't sing her song
And I'm speaking in tongues
Cause I need a Holy Ghost
Dead in the water....cause I need a Holy Ghost.
Holy Spirit would your raging fire and wind blow life into these dry bones that feel like lamb led to the slaughter. I need you...oh how I need you!
Are you weak, are you poor are you wanting for more, in the quiet of your heart?
What does the quiet of your heart search for? What do you find yourself wanting in the quiet of your heart? Or do you run away from the quiet of your heart for fear of what you will find there?
Sweetheart, stop cutting your sweet arms, no hope, smoking dope and drinking your life away. lets dance and sing, lets eat from the tree, Come down to the river with me.
What do you do to escape from feeling? It may sound weird that someone would seek out purposeful pain as an escape - I know most escapes for people are things that numb pain, whether that is drugs, alcohol, pornography or video games, the things we do to escape generally provide a dulling of the senses, but I think self injury falls into this same category because it provides something different (and generally stronger) to feel than the emotional turmoil inside. It is a physical manifestation of the emotional pain that you are feeling inside, and provides something different that allows you to numb out the internal conflict and pain.
It may be too good to be understood, but it's not too good to be true.
Have you ever felt fully and completely understood, for who you are, deep inside clear to your bones? Friend, it's not too good to be true. Nothing compares for me to the realization that I am completely fully and entirely understood.
But darlin' you're gonna find where you came from. Don't let your eyes deceive your heart, believe the best is yet to come.
Deep down, believe that the best is yet to come. That it's not too good to be true. That thing you long for in the quiet of your heart - to be understood, fully known and fully loved. It's true.
It may be too good to be understood, but its not too good to be true. He may be too good to be understood, but he's not to good to be.
It is not as we've seen, it is not as we've read, it is not as they've said. How we need to forget, we need to reset and be like children again. Are you hungry and have no money? You can sit at this table. Are you thirsty and unworthy? You can draw from this well.
Are you weak, are you poor are you wanting for more, in the quiet of your heart? To yourself you say I wish someone would pass my way, and give me a new start. Sweetheart, stop cutting your sweet arms, no hope, smoking dope and drinking your life away. lets dance and sing, lets eat from the tree, Come down to the river with me.
It may be too good to be understood, but its not too good to be true.
From the dust we came, to the dust we all will go. We brought nothing with us, we'll take nothing on, Heaven knows keep in mind, it'll take a little time, But darlin' you're gonna find where you came from. Don't let your eyes deceive your heart, believe the best is yet to come.
It may be too good to be understood, but its not too good to be true. He may be too good to be understood, but he's not to good to be.
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I don't know how familiar you are with the Chronicles of Narnia by CS Lewis, but since this weekend when Pastor Sky preached on books and stories I've spent a lot of time thinking about the lessons I learned from these books (just to be clear, the sermon spoke of learning to read well so that we can learn to read the Bible well... to listen online click here). Eustace is one of the main characters found in several of the books, but this song is specifically about his experience in the book Voyage of the Dawn Treader.
For the first in my life
I’m not living a lie
And I hate who I am
I’ve become what I feared
And I cried dragon tears
Just to prove I’m a man
When have you found yourself crying tears, realizing you have become exactly the one you feared you'd become? Have you, like me, found yourself hating who you are? Do you feel like your life is a lie? Have you at any point? Do you remember what got you out of that spot?
I tried to change my appearance but I am not changed
I’m just tired
I tried to heal myself long before I met your gaze
At the water
I’m at your feet
Would you tear into the deep of my heart
To heal me?
I remember trying to be "good enough". To be "perfect" to make things better. The scratch marks and claw marks I left behind as I struggled to get out of depression, out of the skin I was in that I didn't feel fit, but didn't know how to change. The crumpled mess of me that found myself at the feet of Jesus crying out to heal me.
As he looked through my eyes
At the things I despised
I felt pierced by his gaze
But he pealed off my skin
And he then threw me into
The water to save me
The feeling of being seen. It's simultaneously a beautiful and terrifying thing. Seen for who you really are. Known. The comfort of someone who cares enough to stay with you until they know you. The horror of someone knowing the depths that you have sunk to. The piercing gaze of the one who knows you inside and out. Then the tearing, deeper than you've ever been able to tear on your own to peal off the old skin, that leaves you raw, shivering...and then as He throws you into the waters to save you.
I clearly remember the feeling of bubbling up to the surface after having been through that most horrible of pain. And I remember thinking that it was some of the sweetest pain of my life, that with it came the relief of years and years of burdens. Friend, I don't know what that moment will look like for you. I don't know what will bring the transformation about for you. I simply know that He can take a wretched lonely soul that cries out in the dark, cut deep inside of you and find the you who is really you. The heart that knows Him, the servant deep inside, cut away from the chains. Call out to Him. Reach out. He holds the key to unlock the prison doors.
I was a lonely, wretched soul that
Lost in the dark cried out your Name
You cut me deep, I know I felt it
But it’s the sweetest kind of pain
Oh sweet relief, You took my burdens
For the first in my life
I’m not living a lie
And I hate who I am
I’ve become what I feared
And I cried dragon tears
Just to prove I’m a man
I tried to change my appearance but I am not changed
I’m just tired
I tried to heal myself long before I met your gaze
At the water
I’m at your feet
Would you tear into the deep of my heart
To heal me?
I’ve seen my own reflection
I know the pain I’m in
I’ve been a lonely wretch and
I can’t get out of it
As he looked through my eyes
At the things I despised
I felt pierced by his gaze
But he pealed off my skin
And he then threw me into
The water to save me
I wore this bracelet, bright and golden
That overnight became a chain
I was a lonely, wretched soul that
Lost in the dark cried out your Name
You cut me deep, I know I felt it
But it’s the sweetest kind of pain
Oh sweet relief, You took my burdens
Oh I believe Oh I believe
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