What do you trust in? Where do you put your trust? And if you really were to think about it - is it actually what you think you do? Because I think it is really easy to say we put our trust in Jesus, but in the end, where we actually put our trust might be in something completely different... your bank account, your house, your spouse, your own abilities... And when you do finally give your trust over to God, do you leave it there? Or do you retake it?
When I was in high school someone gave me a copy of this poem:
Broken Dreams
As children bring their broken toys
With tears for us to mend,
I brought my broken dreams to God
Because He was my friend.
But then instead of leaving Him
In peace to work alone,
I hung around and tried to help
With ways that were my own.
At last I snatched them back and cried,
"How could you be so slow"
"My child," He said, "What could I do?
You never did let go."
How many times do you bring your broken dreams to God, only to snatch them back, thinking that He is too slow, not doing it "right" or not doing it how we wanted?
This song is a great reminder for me that God is holy, that God is the one who is worthy, and that He is the one that we need to trust in, build our life on, because His love is the only firm foundation.
May your eyes be opened this week in wonder of an almighty and loving God. And in so doing will you learn to let go of the broken dreams and put your trust in Him alone and not retake it.
Worthy of every song we could ever sing
Worthy of all the praise we could ever bring
Worthy of every breath we could ever breathe
We live for you
Jesus the name above every other name
Jesus the only one who could save
Worthy of every breath we could ever breathe
We live for you
Oh we live for you
Holy there is no one like you
There is none beside you
Open up my eyes in wonder
And show me who you are
And fill me with your heart
And lead me in love to those around me
Holy there is no one like you
Open up my eyes in wonder
And show me who you are
And fill me with your heart
And lead me in love to those around me
And I will build my life upon your love it is a firm foundation
And I will put my trust in you alone and not retake it
And I will build my life upon your love it is a firm foundation
And I will put my trust in you alone and not retake it
Wednesday, February 27, 2019
Saturday, February 23, 2019
El Roi - Wendy Droke
30 years. Today marks thirty years from one of the most defining moments in my life.
30 years seems like such a long time ago... and then there are days where it feels like yesterday. There are days where I vividly remember how I was feeling. The actions that lead to the scars that I still carry, emotionally and physically.
The years after that when I sought physical pain as a way to medicate the emotional pain I was feeling. The addiction that those choices led to - unable to stop hurting myself. I think physical self injury is really difficult for people to comprehend, unless they have struggled themselves. But I wonder how many of us have addictions to emotional self injury - but we call it "humility". The number of people I hear who say things about themselves that they would never in a million years dream of saying about someone else.
But here's the thing... thirty years later, I can look back on an event, and see the growth. I can see the changes, I can see that I am not who I was. I can see where God was watching, and loving, and gently nudging me.
A few months ago I was struck by the story of Hagar in Genesis. Sarah and Abraham are promised a baby, but they lose hope somewhere in the years and years of waiting, so they take matters into their own hands. Abraham takes Hagar as his wife, and she bears him a baby. But somewhere in there both Hagar and Sarah turn to pretty horrible treatment of each other. To the point where pregnant Hagar runs away. I wonder if in that horrible treatment they have both been destroying themselves... Sarah beating herself up for not being able to give Abraham a child, Hagar for being a part of this scheme.
While Hagar is away in the wilderness God appears to her. And Hagar uses the name "El Roi" to refer to God. She says "El Roi, you are the God who sees me".
What a reminder to us as we are in our own wilderness, of self hate, and self harm. That God, El Roi, sees us, knows us, and doesn't condemn us. He sees through the deception, He sees who we really are, and yet he still loves us. What a reminder.
Sin so black, that all I see
Is darkness in front, beside of me
Pain so deep it sears inside
Yet no one sees what I try to hide
El Roi
You see me
El Roi
Come find me
Broken pieces of a shattered soul
Human attempts to make it whole
Fear takes grip, I run away
Lost in thought, no words to pray
"Where have you come from,
And where are you going?"
A voice cries in the wilderness
I see you in your distress
I hear you
I see you
I know your deception
I feel you
I love you
I see my reflection
30 years seems like such a long time ago... and then there are days where it feels like yesterday. There are days where I vividly remember how I was feeling. The actions that lead to the scars that I still carry, emotionally and physically.
The years after that when I sought physical pain as a way to medicate the emotional pain I was feeling. The addiction that those choices led to - unable to stop hurting myself. I think physical self injury is really difficult for people to comprehend, unless they have struggled themselves. But I wonder how many of us have addictions to emotional self injury - but we call it "humility". The number of people I hear who say things about themselves that they would never in a million years dream of saying about someone else.
But here's the thing... thirty years later, I can look back on an event, and see the growth. I can see the changes, I can see that I am not who I was. I can see where God was watching, and loving, and gently nudging me.
A few months ago I was struck by the story of Hagar in Genesis. Sarah and Abraham are promised a baby, but they lose hope somewhere in the years and years of waiting, so they take matters into their own hands. Abraham takes Hagar as his wife, and she bears him a baby. But somewhere in there both Hagar and Sarah turn to pretty horrible treatment of each other. To the point where pregnant Hagar runs away. I wonder if in that horrible treatment they have both been destroying themselves... Sarah beating herself up for not being able to give Abraham a child, Hagar for being a part of this scheme.
While Hagar is away in the wilderness God appears to her. And Hagar uses the name "El Roi" to refer to God. She says "El Roi, you are the God who sees me".
What a reminder to us as we are in our own wilderness, of self hate, and self harm. That God, El Roi, sees us, knows us, and doesn't condemn us. He sees through the deception, He sees who we really are, and yet he still loves us. What a reminder.
Sin so black, that all I see
Is darkness in front, beside of me
Pain so deep it sears inside
Yet no one sees what I try to hide
El Roi
You see me
El Roi
Come find me
Broken pieces of a shattered soul
Human attempts to make it whole
Fear takes grip, I run away
Lost in thought, no words to pray
"Where have you come from,
And where are you going?"
A voice cries in the wilderness
I see you in your distress
I hear you
I see you
I know your deception
I feel you
I love you
I see my reflection
Wednesday, February 20, 2019
When the Fight Calls - Hillsong Young & Free
Last weekend I went with a group of kids to our winter retreat. It's always fun - in part because we go back to the camp where I spent a huge part of my childhood. I started there as a camper at 10, and finished my last summer on staff at 22. My life was profoundly changed by the relationships I made there, and by the Jesus I met there. The messy Jesus. The one who rocks worlds. The one who is involved in a Spiritual WAR for our souls. I love going back now, and seeing that Miracle Ranch is still a place where that fight continues to be fought. Things may be painted new colors, They may have a new fancy stage at Chapel in the Cedars... but... if you look up - it's still the same God, the same fight, the same victory.
This weekend I learned this new song. And, I was struck by how fitting it was - as I watch the world war with God over these amazing kids' hearts. As we talked about love - and brokenness - this weekend. As I listened to high school girls share their hearts and bare their souls, admitting to lies that the devil is feeding them, and then hearing them speak truth over each other. I watched teen girls throw fear aside, and sing out into the night...
"Cause even when the world caves, even when the fight calls, even when the war's waged, I'll take heart. I know You are greater, forever You are Savior, I will sing Your praise, with all that I have, with all that I am Lord."
So this is my prayer... that I will not let the storm weather my heart, Won't let the darkness beat me down, Sing in the night my hope alive in You, I'll walk through the fire and not be burned, Pray in the fight and watch it turn, Jesus tonight I give it all to You
Jesus tonight... we give it all to YOU...
You've overcome this world with love
And made my fight Your own
I lift my eyes and throw fear aside
And sing out into the night
Cause even when the world caves
Even when the fight calls
Even when the war's waged
I'll take heart
I know You are greater
Forever You are Savior
I will sing Your praise
With all that I have
With all that I am Lord
I'll stare down the waves
Cause You own the tide
I still myself and know
You wait for me
On waters wild
Where faith walks above the storm
I won't let the storm weather my heart
Won't let the darkness beat me down
Sing in the night my hope alive in You
I'll walk through the fire and not be burned
Pray in the fight and watch it turn
Jesus tonight I give it all to You
This weekend I learned this new song. And, I was struck by how fitting it was - as I watch the world war with God over these amazing kids' hearts. As we talked about love - and brokenness - this weekend. As I listened to high school girls share their hearts and bare their souls, admitting to lies that the devil is feeding them, and then hearing them speak truth over each other. I watched teen girls throw fear aside, and sing out into the night...
"Cause even when the world caves, even when the fight calls, even when the war's waged, I'll take heart. I know You are greater, forever You are Savior, I will sing Your praise, with all that I have, with all that I am Lord."
So this is my prayer... that I will not let the storm weather my heart, Won't let the darkness beat me down, Sing in the night my hope alive in You, I'll walk through the fire and not be burned, Pray in the fight and watch it turn, Jesus tonight I give it all to You
Jesus tonight... we give it all to YOU...
You've overcome this world with love
And made my fight Your own
I lift my eyes and throw fear aside
And sing out into the night
Cause even when the world caves
Even when the fight calls
Even when the war's waged
I'll take heart
I know You are greater
Forever You are Savior
I will sing Your praise
With all that I have
With all that I am Lord
I'll stare down the waves
Cause You own the tide
I still myself and know
You wait for me
On waters wild
Where faith walks above the storm
I won't let the storm weather my heart
Won't let the darkness beat me down
Sing in the night my hope alive in You
I'll walk through the fire and not be burned
Pray in the fight and watch it turn
Jesus tonight I give it all to You
Wednesday, February 13, 2019
Shattered - Blanca
It's part of every life. Christian or not, at some point - you will be broken into tiny pieces all over the floor. The question is what do you do with that moment? Do you chose to believe that is the end? That you are broken... That you don't matter... Do you give in to the crushing feelings? Or do you rise stronger? Who do you turn to when you feel like you have nothing?
I think it's easy for people to look at others and think "Wow, they've got it all together!" That's the danger of comparing to other people. Because underneath those happy Facebook and Instagram posts, there's a person - the real person. Who probably doesn't feel like they've got it all together, in any way shape or form. Who has been broken far more than you know.
More than anything this, to me, is a reminder of the need to be in real, authentic community. To be honest with people. To do life with each other, to admit when things are not going perfectly. Friends who can speak into your blind spots, repeat truth to you in a way that you will hear. To be Jesus to each other. To be able to say "I see you, I see your broken, and I am here standing to tell you that God can restore all of your broken places, because he did mine."
So, friend... today I am here to tell you - I have been there - I am still standing... God can restore your shattered places, there is HOPE. He can redeem your every pain.
I have seen valleys, the lowest of lows
I have felt heartache that would not let go
I have been shaken, deep in my soul
I have been broken more than you know
But here I am still standing
So believe me when I say
If you shatter
Every piece of you that's on the floor
He can restore
And after
You'll be even stronger than before
He can restore
What'd shattered
Nothing is wasted, there's always a plan
He has a purpose you may not understand
He's never been closer if you just hold on
He'll take you deeper, He'll give you a song
'Cause here I am still standing
So believe me when I say
If you shatter
Every piece of you that's on the floor
He can restore
And after
You'll be even stronger than before
He can restore
What'd shattered
If I am still here standing
You can believe me when I say
That He is more than able to redeem Your every pain
If you shatter
Every piece of you that's on the floor
He can restore
And after
You'll be even stronger than before
He can restore, oh
If you shatter
Every piece of you that's on the floor
He can restore
And after
He will make you stronger than before
I know He'll restore
What'd shattered
I think it's easy for people to look at others and think "Wow, they've got it all together!" That's the danger of comparing to other people. Because underneath those happy Facebook and Instagram posts, there's a person - the real person. Who probably doesn't feel like they've got it all together, in any way shape or form. Who has been broken far more than you know.
More than anything this, to me, is a reminder of the need to be in real, authentic community. To be honest with people. To do life with each other, to admit when things are not going perfectly. Friends who can speak into your blind spots, repeat truth to you in a way that you will hear. To be Jesus to each other. To be able to say "I see you, I see your broken, and I am here standing to tell you that God can restore all of your broken places, because he did mine."
So, friend... today I am here to tell you - I have been there - I am still standing... God can restore your shattered places, there is HOPE. He can redeem your every pain.
I have seen valleys, the lowest of lows
I have felt heartache that would not let go
I have been shaken, deep in my soul
I have been broken more than you know
But here I am still standing
So believe me when I say
If you shatter
Every piece of you that's on the floor
He can restore
And after
You'll be even stronger than before
He can restore
What'd shattered
Nothing is wasted, there's always a plan
He has a purpose you may not understand
He's never been closer if you just hold on
He'll take you deeper, He'll give you a song
'Cause here I am still standing
So believe me when I say
If you shatter
Every piece of you that's on the floor
He can restore
And after
You'll be even stronger than before
He can restore
What'd shattered
If I am still here standing
You can believe me when I say
That He is more than able to redeem Your every pain
If you shatter
Every piece of you that's on the floor
He can restore
And after
You'll be even stronger than before
He can restore, oh
If you shatter
Every piece of you that's on the floor
He can restore
And after
He will make you stronger than before
I know He'll restore
What'd shattered
Thursday, February 7, 2019
Oh What a Father - Mark & Sarah Tillman
We had a super cool conversation last night about sin, what it means to be forgiven and the "unforgivable sin" in my high school small group. The Bible says that the unforgivable sin is "blaspheme against the holy spirit" (Mark 3:29). We had a good conversation about what that could mean - but that also God loves and wants to welcome us home. One of my girls asked if someone who had been super anti-God and Jesus for years could then turn and change. Would God welcome them home?
I love the story of the prodigal son, and how it relates to this question. The son tells his dad he wants his share of the inheritance. In that day, that would be saying "Dad, you are dead to me." You only got your inheritance when your father was gone. And yet, even after telling his father he is dead to him, the father is still looking, waiting, hoping for the son to come home.
In the same way God the father welcomes us home - no matter the sin, no matter what you've done, God the father will welcome you home, with pure love in his eyes. All fear and shame is gone...
OH WHAT A FATHER!
The son comes to the father
With shame in his eyes
The father runs to the son
And clothes him in white
Oh what a father
With pure love in his eyes
Oh what a son
Who gave his life for mine
With a ring and a robe
The son is welcomed home
With a feast and a song
All fear and shame is gone
Oh what a father
With pure love in his eyes
Oh what a son
Who gave his life for mine
Oh what a father
With pure love in his eyes
Oh what a son
Who gave his life for mine
So I won't hold back
I'm gonna give you all I have
So I won't hold back
I'm gonna give you all I have
So I won't hold back
I'm gonna give you all I have
So I won't hold back
I'm gonna give you all I have
I'm gonna give you all I have
Give you all I have
I'm gonna give you all I have
Give you all I have
Give you all I have
With a ring and a robe
The son is welcomed home
With a feast and a song
All fear and shame is gone
I love the story of the prodigal son, and how it relates to this question. The son tells his dad he wants his share of the inheritance. In that day, that would be saying "Dad, you are dead to me." You only got your inheritance when your father was gone. And yet, even after telling his father he is dead to him, the father is still looking, waiting, hoping for the son to come home.
In the same way God the father welcomes us home - no matter the sin, no matter what you've done, God the father will welcome you home, with pure love in his eyes. All fear and shame is gone...
OH WHAT A FATHER!
The son comes to the father
With shame in his eyes
The father runs to the son
And clothes him in white
Oh what a father
With pure love in his eyes
Oh what a son
Who gave his life for mine
With a ring and a robe
The son is welcomed home
With a feast and a song
All fear and shame is gone
Oh what a father
With pure love in his eyes
Oh what a son
Who gave his life for mine
Oh what a father
With pure love in his eyes
Oh what a son
Who gave his life for mine
So I won't hold back
I'm gonna give you all I have
So I won't hold back
I'm gonna give you all I have
So I won't hold back
I'm gonna give you all I have
So I won't hold back
I'm gonna give you all I have
I'm gonna give you all I have
Give you all I have
I'm gonna give you all I have
Give you all I have
Give you all I have
With a ring and a robe
The son is welcomed home
With a feast and a song
All fear and shame is gone
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