Fragile Heart - Leanna Crawford

"It gets worse before it gets better"

I don't know how many times I have heard this sentence. How many times I have said it. How many different applications it has. From ice skating lessons (you're not learning unless you're falling, it gets worse before it gets better) to gymnastics (learning a new move would destroy something you had down)... training horses (wait, I swear yesterday you totally would wait for me and not run me over, why are you going backwards) to raising kids (man your attitude just keeps getting worse!)... marriage, friendships, relationship with God... depression... it gets worse before it gets better.

But maybe, really, it is just our perception. We can see where we are headed, and see where we've been, and we're more sensitive and aware of the struggles because we're less numb to the hurts, as we are on our healing process. "When a fragile heart finds healing hands, the places numbed by pain start to feel again" - my experience with this process has been that it hurts worse as the places that were numb start to feel again. Because as the anesthetic wears off (whatever you have been using to numb the pain) you actually feel the pain. And while in the long run, it is better to feel than to be numb, it hurts.

"I'm sure there will be lessons learned and purpose from the pain, but right now I don't even have the strength to turn the page." When I am raw and broken, the last thing I want to hear is "God has a plan... there's a purpose for this" - people say this trying to be helpful. But it just isn't. Later, when the page has already been turned, it is so helpful for me to look back and see where God has healed, where God has used the pain for a greater purpose. But at the time, it's good to remember that you don't have to have the strength to turn the page. "So hold on to me, Jesus, cause the more I feel you near me, these jagged lines from every break are slowly disappearing." Find space to rest in Jesus, and don't worry about what comes next.

I pray that this song can be an encouragement, wherever you are on your "it gets worse before it gets better" journey. That "all the tears turn into memories, and the chains, they fall down at [God's] feet" and that "What was broken, now is beautiful, what was ash, is now a miracle."




The worse of it is over now
The storm becomes the calm
The sun is slipping through the clouds
Showing me the damage done

To say that I've been beaten up
Doesn't even scratch the surface
I'm past the point of acting tough
We both know how deep my hurt is

I've heard that You're the God
That can restore what this world steals
Well, I'm in a thousand pieces
Would You show me how it feels

When a fragile heart finds healing hands
The places numbed by pain start to feel again
Where you fell apart becomes where you begin
When a fragile heart finds healing hands

I'm sure there will be lessons learned
And purpose from the pain
But right now I don't even have
The strength to turn the page

So hold on to me, Jesus
'Cause the more I feel You near me
These jagged lines from every break
Are slowly disappearing

When a fragile heart finds healing hands
The places numbed by pain start to feel again
Where you fell apart becomes where you begin
When a fragile heart finds healing hands

All the tears turn into memories
And the chains, they fall down at Your feet
Right here, is where
What was broken, now is beautiful
What was ash, is now a miracle

When a fragile heart finds healing hands
The places numbed by pain start to feel again
Where you fell apart becomes where you begin
When a fragile heart finds healing hands