Love is crazy. In general, it really doesn't actually make a lot of sense. We love humans who hurt us. We open ourselves up to others in vulnerability, knowing there is risk involved. Trusting that in the end the other person loves us enough to be careful with us, to take care of us, and to make amends if they do hurt us. Because they love us.
Certainly, God's love for us does not make sense. In the light of the things that I have done to speak against Him, that others have done. The separation in our life from perfection.
Your ways are higher
Your thoughts are wilder
Love came like madness
Poured out in blood, wash romance
It makes no sense, but this is grace
And I know You're with me in this place
Madness. Defined as "extremely foolish behavior," I do find myself wondering at the depth of God's love for us. I am so far from worthy. And can feel so alone. And yet, God whispers "it makes no sense, but this is grace" as he leans in, with me in the middle of my storm. Leaning into the gap between us.
Still my heart
Let Your voice be all I hear now
Spirit breathe
Like the wind, come have Your way
We've had a couple of impressive wind storms here in the last several months, but nothing compared to the wind I've seen in other places of the country this year. In the middle of a windstorm, often the only thing you can hear is the wind. In the wind - let your voice be all I hear. Wind can do serious damage, it can push and bend and make a disastrous mess. It can also prune out all of the dead wood, making room for new growth. What does it mean to pray that God's wind come have it's way?
But grace found my heart where logic ends
I am incredibly tied to logic. When logic ends, I panic. May I find myself held in that place by His grace:
'Cause I know that You are here now
Still my heart, let Your voice be all I hear now
Fix my eyes on the things that I can't see now
Spirit breathe like the wind come have your way
Skies spin their dance within Your breath
Time runs its race within Your hand
And my mind runs wild to comprehend
What no mind on earth could understand
Your ways are higher
Your thoughts are wilder
Love came like madness
Poured out in blood, wash romance
It makes no sense, but this is grace
And I know You're with me in this place
Here now
All I know is I know that You are
Here now
Still my heart
Let Your voice be all I hear now
Spirit breathe
Like the wind, come have Your way
'Cause I know You're in this place
Faith makes a fool of what makes sense
But grace found my heart where logic ends
When justice called for all my debts
The Friend of sinners came instead
Your ways are higher
Your thoughts are wilder
Love came like madness
Poured out in blood, wash romance
It makes no sense, but this is grace
And I know You're with me in this place
Here now
All I know is I know that You are
Here now
Still my heart
Let Your voice be all I hear now
Spirit breathe
Like the wind, come have Your way
'Cause I know that You are here now
Heart and soul God, I know that You are here now
Fix my eyes on the things that I can't see now
And all I see is the glory of Your name, Jesus
'Cause I know that You are here now
Still my heart, let Your voice be all I hear now
Fix my eyes on the things that I can't see now
Spirit breathe like the wind come have Your way, oh-oh
'Cause I know that You are here now
Still my heart, let Your voice be all I hear now
Fix my eyes on the things that I can't see now
Spirit breathe like the wind come have your way
'Cause I know that You are here now
Still my heart, let Your voice be all I hear now
Fix my eyes on the things that I can't see now, Jesus
Spirit breathe like the wind come have Your way, oh-oh
'Cause I know that You are here now
Still my heart, let Your voice be all I hear now
Fix my eyes on the things that I can't see now
Spirit breathe like the wind come have Your way
'Cause I know that You are here now
Still my heart, let Your voice be all I hear now
(Fix my eyes on the things that I can't see now)
(Spirit breathe like the wind come have Your way)
'Cause I know You're in this place
Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: Michael Guy Chislett / Joel Timothy Houston
Someone asked me last week why we call Good Friday "good." And I was struck anew that the death of Jesus is actually the good news. Easter morning we celebrate the resurrected Christ, and with it we see that Jesus really was who He said He was. However, the veil in the temple is torn on Friday when Jesus dies. The relationship with Yahweh is restored on Friday - not when Jesus conquers death.
Who pulled me out of that pit? He did, He did
Who paid for all of our sin? Nobody but Jesus
Who rescued me from that grave? Yahweh, Yahweh
Who gets the glory and praise? Nobody but Jesus
While it is cool that our rescue can include eternal life with Jesus, at this point what is more important to me on earth is that he has pulled me out of the pit, paid for my sin, and allowed me to enter into relationship with Jesus now.
This is our God, this is who He is
He loves us
This is our God, this is what He does
He saves us
The truth of Good Friday and Easter is that this is our God, and He is who He says He is, and He loves us.
Oh, this is our God
Remember those walls that we called sin and shame?
They were like prisons that we couldn't escape
But He came, and He died, and He rose
Those walls are rubble now
Remember those giants we called death and grave?
They were like mountains that stood in our way
But He came, and He died, and He rose
Those giants are dead now
This is our God, this is who He is
He loves us
This is our God, this is what He does
He saves us
He bore the cross, beat the grave
Let Heaven and Earth proclaim
This is our God, King Jesus
Remember that fear that took our breath away?
Faith so weak that we could barely pray
But He heard every word, every whisper
Now those altars in the wilderness
Tell the story of His faithfulness
Never once did He fail, and He never will
This is our God, this is who He is
He loves us
This is our God, this is what He does
He saves us
He bore the cross, beat the grave
Let Heaven and Earth proclaim
This is our God, King Jesus
Who pulled me out of that pit? He did, He did
Who paid for all of our sin? Nobody but Jesus
Who pulled me out of that pit? He did, He did
Who paid for all of our sin? Nobody but Jesus
Who rescued me from that grave? Yahweh, Yahweh
Who gets the glory and praise? Nobody but Jesus
Who rescued me from that grave? Yahweh, Yahweh
Who gets the glory and praise? Nobody but Him
This is our God, this is who He is
He loves us
This is our God, this is what He does
He saves us
He bore the cross, beat the grave
Let Heaven and Earth proclaim
This is our God, King Jesus
He bore the cross, beat the grave
Let Heaven and Earth proclaim
This is our God, King Jesus
Oh, this is our God
Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: Steven Furtick / Phil Wickham / Brandon Lake / Joseph Patrick Martin Barrett
This weekend we had a women's prayer night at church. As part of that we sing a couple of songs together, share prayer requests and then pray for each other in small groups. It's an awesome night of fellowship, sweet time of sharing and an encouraging time of prayer.
This week one of the songs we sang was Same God (yes, I know - that was the last song I blogged about, too... apparently it's just the song for my current season). At the end of the evening I heard someone comment that this song was basically a full sermon, and I can't disagree. The truth found in this song is so rich - so full.
I'm calling on the God of Jacob
Whose love endures through generations
I know that You will keep Your covenant
I'm calling on the God of Moses
The one who opened up the ocean
I need You now to do the same thing for me
How amazing is it that the God of Jacob has loved us through all generations, faithfully keeping his covenants with us. How great that the God of Moses, who opened up the ocean, can now do the same things for us.
O God, my God, I need You
O God, my God, I need You now
How I need You now
O Rock, O Rock of ages
I'm standing on Your faithfulness
On Your faithfulness
My prayer and call today is so much this: God I need you now. When I feel overwhelmed, when I feel discouraged, alone, broken, or not enough. O God, my God... I need you
You are the same God... You are the same God
I'm calling on the God of Jacob
Whose love endures through generations
I know that You will keep Your covenant
I'm calling on the God of Moses
The one who opened up the ocean
I need You now to do the same thing for me
O God, my God, I need You
O God, my God, I need You now
How I need You now
O Rock, O Rock of ages
I'm standing on Your faithfulness
On Your faithfulness
I'm calling on the God of Mary
Whose favor rests upon the lowly
I know with You all things are possible
I'm calling on the God of David
Who made a shepherd boy courageous
I may not face Goliath
But I've got my own giants
O God, my God, I need You
O God, my God, I need You now
How I need You now, yeah
O Rock, O Rock of ages
I'm standing on Your faithfulness
On Your faithfulness
O God, my God, I need You
O God, my God, I need You now
How I need You now
O Rock, O Rock of ages
I'm standing on Your faithfulness
On Your faithfulness
You heard Your children then
You hear Your children now
You are the same God
You are the same God
You answered prayers back then
And You will answer now
You are the same God
You are the same God
You were providing then
You are providing now
You are the same God
You are the same God
You moved in power then
God, move in power now
You are the same God
You are the same God
You were a healer then
You are a healer now
You are the same God
You are the same God
You were a savior then
You are a savior now
You are the same God
You are the same God
O God, my God, I need You
O God, my God, I need You now
How I need You now
O Rock, O Rock of ages
I'm standing on Your faithfulness
On Your faithfulness
O God, my God, I need You
O God, my God, I need You now
How I need You now
O Rock, O Rock of ages
I'm standing on Your faithfulness
On Your faithfulness
Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: Patrick Barrett / Christopher Joel Brown / Steven Furtick / Brandon Lake
Do you ever hate a song the first time you hear it but then push through and about a dozen listens into a song discover maybe you hated it for how spot on the song was?
O God, my God, I need You
O God, my God, I need You now
How I need You now
O Rock, O Rock of ages
I'm standing on Your faithfulness
On Your faithfulness
I'm not huge on needing other people. I don't like the weakness. I don't like the vulnerability. But the other day I found myself talking to someone who was mentioning trying really hard not to be needy and telling them that trusting others with their needs is actually a gift you give someone else. Trusting people with your vulnerabilities is an important part of relationship with others. Allowing others to see your needs - to take care of you in your weak spots. It's how relationship is built.
I'm calling on the God of David
Who made a shepherd boy courageous
I may not face Goliath
But I've got my own giants
How awesome that we serve a God who knows our weak spots, and wants to step in. Who wants to care for us, perfectly, in our moments of weakness - where we need Him. Who has proven over and over again throughout history that he can and will take care of us, that He will meet us as we fight our own giants.
You heard Your children then
You hear Your children now
You are the same God
You are the same God
You answered prayers back then
And You will answer now
You are the same God
You are the same God
You are the same God. Amen and Amen. May I trust you with the things I need, thank you that you provide and answer prayers, that you hear me.
I never leave just as I came
I always leave better with You
You're faithful to satisfy
Come and fill me again
Come and fill me again
I'm calling on the God of Jacob
Whose love endures through generations
I know that You will keep Your covenant
I'm calling on the God of Moses
The one who opened up the ocean
I need You now to do the same thing for me
O God, my God, I need You
O God, my God, I need You now
How I need You now
O Rock, O Rock of ages
I'm standing on Your faithfulness
On Your faithfulness
I'm calling on the God of Mary
Whose favor rests upon the lowly
I know with You all things are possible
I'm calling on the God of David
Who made a shepherd boy courageous
I may not face Goliath
But I've got my own giants
O God, my God, I need You
O God, my God, I need You now
How I need You now, yeah
O Rock, O Rock of ages
I'm standing on Your faithfulness
On Your faithfulness
O God, my God, I need You
O God, my God, I need You now
How I need You now
O Rock, O Rock of ages
I'm standing on Your faithfulness
On Your faithfulness
How I need You Lord
Never changing, no
You heard Your children then
You hear Your children now
You are the same God
You are the same God
You answered prayers back then
And You will answer now
You are the same God
You are the same God
You were providing then
You are providing now
You are the same God (yes, You are the same)
You are the same God (You moved in power)
You moved in power then
God, move in power now
You are the same God
You are the same God
You were a healer then
You are a healer now
You are the same God
You are the same God
You were a savior then
You are a savior now
You are the same God
You are the same God
O God, my God, I need You (I need You Lord)
O God, my God, I need You now
How I need You now
O Rock, O Rock of ages
I'm standing on Your faithfulness
On Your faithfulness
O God, my God, I need You
O God, my God, I need You now
How I need You now
O Rock, O Rock of ages
I'm standing on Your faithfulness
On Your faithfulness
Jesus, You're the same
Jesus, You're the same
(Forever faithful) forever
You're the same God
You're the same God
As you were back then, You'll be right now
You're the same God (You're the same God)
Faithful back then (You're the same God)
Faithful you'll be now (You're the same God)
You freed the captives then
You're freeing hearts right now
You are the same God
You are the same God
You touched the lepers then
I feel Your touch right now
You are the same God
You are the same God
As you've always been, You will always be
You never change, You never change, no
As you were back then
I know you'll always be faithful, faithful
I'm calling on the Holy Spirit
Almighty River, come and fill me again
That's our prayer (come and fill me again)
I'm not satisfied, no (come and fill me again)
We want more (come and fill me again)
Till I'm overflowing (come and fill me again)
We want more (come and fill me again)
I'm not satisfied, I want more of You (come and fill me again)
Oh-oh (come and fill me again)
Holy Spirit, come again (come and fill me again)
I want more, till I'm running over (come and fill me again)
Till I'm running over (come and fill me again)
Holy Spirit, come again (fill me again)
Won't you fill me again (come and fill me again)
Till I'm running over (come and fill me again)
Till I'm running over (come and fill me again)
I never leave just as I came
I always leave better with You
You're faithful to satisfy
Come and fill me again
Come and fill me again
Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: Chris Brown / Steven Furtick / Brandon Lake / Joseph Patrick Martin Barrett
I'm not even sure how to begin to explain the last few weeks. I'm not really sure I could if I tried.
I was smiling while I was on fire, no one else could see the flint
Every breathe was shallow and hard, no relief from the pain
I want to be careful here - my weeks have been so so so so so much better than many - the reason my weeks have been hard is because of the emotional shrapnel from the explosions happening in other people's lives.
Well if disorder comes before reorder comes
I've been pushed to the brink in the border
tell me that it's just around the corner
Cleaning (really cleaning... like digging down and gunking out and purging and reorganizing) creates a great huge mess of disorder before you find order. And that process feels like you're being pushed over the edge, and I know I get to a point where I wonder when I'll ever be done and just hope that order is just around the corner.
Things aren't always what they seem
There's such a risk in love
To keep your heart open is no small thing
Relational disorder is so much worse. This little enneagram 9 struggles to handle the risk of disorder relationally. Love is a risk - a great risk. And once you've been hurt keeping your heart open is hard. Sure - you learn things along the way, but the process is painful, and it is difficult to leave yourself vulnerable enough to love again.
Take them both with me, the serpent and dove
Knowledge and innocence, the wisdom and love
I come out stronger, I couldn't believe but
things aren't always what they seem
I am not sure what God wants me to learn from the current season of pain. I am still sifting through the learning, deciding what to keep and what to burn. But one thing I do know - I am stronger today than I was this time last week, and this time the week before. Even in my broken places I find that seeking the truth has brought me closer to God's heart. Dare to drop your guard...
So keep your heart open...
I used to move in places with ease, I was wide open then
My default was set to believe everyone was a friend
Must have been so easy to lie to someone so naïve
I'd replay your voice in my head
I remember a time you said you'd always be there.
I took for granted that you would always tell me the truth
I didn't want to find out the hard way
Things aren't always what they seem
There's such a risk in love
To keep your heart open is no small thing, no, oh
I was smiling while I was on fire, no one else could see the flint
Every breathe was shallow and hard, no relief from the pain
upside down and out of my mind, and the words could explain
something in me held on to this
I remembered a time you said you'd always be there
I wanted to know that you could still remember the truth
I had to find out again the hard way
Things aren't always what they seem
wisdom had come so hard
love won't mean what you think it means at the start, no
Well if disorder comes before reorder comes
I've been pushed to the brink in the border
tell me that it's just around the corner
Love won't mean what you think it means at the start
I am a sympathetic crier - if you start crying while you are talking to me I will likely at least have tears well up in my eyes. I cry for other people. For other people's pain.
This is the aftermath
This is the free fall, how far down does it go?
This is the ripple effect
This is what they mean, the dark night of the soul
I do not cry for myself when I am in the dark night of my own soul. I'm really really bad at ugly crying when I am personally in pain. I remember a friend telling me I wasn't allowed to wipe away my tears because she had "worked really hard for those" and at the time I wanted to roll my eyes and run away. If I do cry for real, it is very very unlikely you will see it.
I've gotta reconcile that
You don't fast forward me through this
And I've gotta reconcile that
You want to know me when I'm like this
And I've gotta reconcile that
You didn't change the diagnosis
And I've gotta reconcile that
You've reconciled it all in Your flesh
God is not afraid of our pain. He doesn't want us to hide it from Him. Psalm 56 says "You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book." Not only does He collect our tears, He never leaves us alone in our pain.
But You, Son of Man
Love incarnate
You don't see from far away
You come, sit with me
And grieve with me
And I see tears on Your face
Friend, God is the ultimate in sympathetic criers - He has tears on His face as He sits and grieves with you. He is not far away. Love incarnate... grieves with you with tears on His face.
This is where no word fits
This is the broken heart in my chest
This is the wave building
This is the crashing on the shore again
This is where time slows down
This is when the world not slowing down feels wrong
This is a grieving town
Waiting for someone to make sense of it all
But You, Son of Man
Love incarnate
You don't see from far away
You come, sit with me
And grieve with me
And I see tears on Your face
This is the aftermath
This is the free fall, how far down does it go?
This is the ripple effect
This is what they mean, the dark night of the soul
A couple weeks ago we had a surprise April snowstorm. Heavy snow, wind, trees in early spring leaf. It wasn't good for branches and trees. There are branches and trees broken, tipped, and cut up on the sides of the roads and paths everywhere. The woods look like a tree graveyard.
My shoes were clean this morning.
Then You came along
And put me back together
And every desire
Is now satisfied
Here in Your love
Tree graveyards can be given new life. From the stump of a dead tree grows new shrubs, new baby trees. The old life giving way to the new.
My shoes were clean this morning.
Oh, there's nothing better than You
There's nothing better than You
Lord, there's nothing
Nothing is better than You
The paths are muddy. The ground is muddy. As I walk I see areas where the ground has clearly been muddy for a while. Long enough that newcomers have ventured off the path a little, and made a new slightly less slippery and dirty path.
My shoes were clean this morning.
I'm not afraid
To show You my weakness
My failures and flaws
Lord, You've seen 'em all
And You still call me friend
How often when I'm headed in a direction do I feel like I know the path I should be taking? How often do I wonder when the path doesn't go where I think it should go why God is taking me on this detour? When things get hard on that side road how often do I kick and scream and wonder why I feel like I'm walking through the weeds. The ground is slippery. The path is unclear. I scream "but God my shoes are getting muddy!!!" But I don't see the whole path. I wonder if the path God has called me onto is actually skirting the much deeper mud flowing in the path that I thought looked so clean and easy. My shoes might be getting muddy - but they're still on my feet, not sucked into the deep. Where is the grave turning into a garden? Where are bones rising up?
You turn graves into garden
You turn bones into armies
You turn seas into highways
You're the only one who can
You're the only one who can
My shoes were clean this morning... Where is God calling you to walk through the mud?
I searched the world
But it couldn't fill me
Man's empty praise
And treasures that fade
Are never enough
Then You came along
And put me back together
And every desire
Is now satisfied
Here in Your love (hey)
Oh, there's nothing better than You
There's nothing better than You
Lord, there's nothing
Nothing is better than You
I'm not afraid
To show You my weakness
My failures and flaws
Lord, You've seen 'em all
And You still call me friend
'Cause the God of the mountain
Is the God of the valley
There's not a place
Your mercy and grace
Won't find me again
Oh, there's nothing better than You
There's nothing better than You
Lord, there's nothing
Nothing is better than You
Oh, there's nothing better than You
There's nothing better than You
Lord, there's nothing
Nothing is better than You
You turn mourning to dancing
You give beauty for ashes
You turn shame into glory
You're the only one who can
You turn mourning to dancing
You give beauty for ashes
You turn shame into glory
You're the only one who can
You turn graves into garden
You turn bones into armies
You turn seas into highways
You're the only one who can
You're the only one who can
Oh, there's nothing better than You
There's nothing better than You
Lord, there's nothing
Nothing is better than You
Oh, there's nothing better than You
There's nothing better than You
Lord, there's nothing
Nothing is better than You
You turn graves into gardens
You turn bones into armies
You turn seas into highways
You're the only one who can
You turn graves into gardens
You turn bones into armies
You turn seas into highways
You're the only one who can
You're the only one who can
You're the only one who can
Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: Christopher Joel Brown / Steven Furtick / Michael Brandon Lake / Tiffany Joann Hammer
