I'm not sure how many times I have sang this song without really focusing on the words. But, suffice it to say the answer is far far too many. I have led this song in worship. I have sang this song, in private reflection and corporately...
My name is graven on His hands
What the what... what was that?? That's in there??? I remember when I found this in Isaiah a few years ago - and it rocked me then... "See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands" - Isaiah 49:16 NIV. Graven means to carve, deeply impress or firmly affix something to a surface. When you carve a statue, you are engraving something permanently into something. It will leave a scar - even if you try to rub it out.
But carved onto His hands. We're not talking about our names being carved into a stone. Or written in a book. Our names are scratched into His very hands. Painfully, letter by letter. Leaving a permanent mark. One that no-one can remove.
I have eluded in several blogs in the past to some of my own history, but perhaps it is time to get more explicit. When I was a teen and into my young adult years I had an addiction to self injury. Much of my self injury addiction took the form of mentally and emotionally repetitively tearing myself down. Some of my self harm took the form of physically and repeatedly digging things into the palms of my hands. I'll spare you much of the details, but I feel it is necessary to share this for you to understand my emotional reaction to these words. MY name is graven on His hands. Painfully, He carved my name into His hands, to save me from myself.
The process of recovery from any addiction is difficult. It involves so much temptation to despair. It involves repeated shame, clouds our vision, and makes us feel hopeless of ever finding sobriety. For me it left me isolated, afraid of what I had become, scared to be left alone, but always feeling disconnected from those around me. The process of restoration of my life has lead me to realize the power of looking up. To seeing the savior who has made an end to all my sin.
In the dark days, when I felt like my life wasn't worth anything, like people would be better off without me, when I felt like I deserved the punishment and pain... my soul was purchased by His blood. In the good days, when I felt like I could take on the world, like I was unstoppable... my soul was purchased by His blood, and without that I would not be able to stand before Him. It is His grace and His grace alone that makes my life hid with Him on high.
If you find yourself feeling trapped, stuck, ensnared... anything but free... reach out. Whether that is to me, or another trusted friend... Your life is worth so much more, friend, and I'd love to walk with you along that path. Your name is graven on His hands. Can I hold your hand and walk with you on the path towards freedom? Let's look up together. He's there... the one who makes an end to all our sin.
